i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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