What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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