Sry I called you an 8
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I checked into jail on foursquare
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
