Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Are we still banned from the library?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
