All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
