Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
