1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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