Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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