Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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