3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
