Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Bring me that man meat
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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