when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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