Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
