My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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