I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
