i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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