1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
