If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
