Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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