Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
