Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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