You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
