You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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