How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
