consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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