Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
