it hurts more in the daytime
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
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