it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
