He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
