What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
