the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
