I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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