Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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