12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
