My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize