Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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