ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
