Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize