is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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