Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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