"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
