Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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