Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
