porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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