she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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