I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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