I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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