Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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