You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
