Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
