so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
