Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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