Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
