I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
