I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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