i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Everyone says I win the strip club
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
