you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize