sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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