And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
