She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
