he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
