You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
