you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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