life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
