The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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