I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
