you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
